I'm shaken-ed !!

Its 2.00 am... just reached home, washed up & took my shower...

I m feeling kinna weird... shaken by what actually happened a few hours ago...seems like so many things happen within just less than such a short span...

This is the first time I got involved in a such a thing... and definately hope that it will be the last...anyway, if ur still wondering what's that first time thingy... well, its cuz i just got involved in a traffic accident...i mean those incidents like knocking the pole, hitting the curve of the road while driving... those are no big deal... am such everyone wont be able to avoid those stuff...

This accident that i got involved wasn't such a big issue ... [nobody died :( ]... OK so, this happened after dinner... all was fine until after dinner... and it was 9 pm the day before... i think....

Everything happened in just a split second... until now it still puzzles me... i mean... i think nobody was really right... or for that matter wrong... it was a head on collision, the road condition sucked to the max... pot holes all over made you think that you were probably on the surface of the moon... ok... and err no street lights... Worse thing is that I wasnt even sure if the 'victim' who i knocked was having his headlights on... anyway, he was riding...just in case you were curios...

So...every 5 min, i have this flash forward images of how these things occurred and yet i cant seem to be able to recall what exactly happened... and ya.. when the crash occurred...I began to panic... for a moment i thought this must be a dream... but then i realized its for real, the guy is laying on the ground... To the clinic we went, followed by the police station...

Anyway... its a really messed up experience... really disturbing actually...

Believe it or not... I was just thinking to myself the very same day that I am very lucky not to be involved in an accident so far...was thinking of what a fren told me: "During ur first 2 yrs of driving... Its ur most vulnerable period...chances are u're deemed to get involved in 1.. but just make sure you don get involved in a real serious 1..." These words still kicking me from within... few hours passed from now...

Actually its not just the accident itself that got me this mixed feelings within me...how do i put it... so many things going on in my mind even i m confused... Here is 1 of it... I m not very sure if I did the right thing, as in how i settled the issue with the 'victim'...

Here's my logic : "Ok fine... he did suffer more damage... physically + motorcycle damage" "My damage is my car's gonna need fixing, I paid for his medical, lorry to get the motorcycle over to the police station.... now he wants me to pay for the cost of repair for his bike...(half of it - is that suppose to be a consolation? ) and not even sure if I will get the 300 bucks police summon...

I am just writing it here cuz I really feel like speaking to someone.... so much in my mind right now... really have to let some go.... I m thinking a real holiday to keep my mind from everything will be nice... really awesome...

I also need to apologize to you... cuz you know i m hard headed when it comes to making decision, even though its not really the wisest of choices but often have my own 'reasons' or excuses as you may put it to justify myself...but rightfully, i am not sure if i'm right or wrong...i know and feel ur concern... its just that everything happening, happens real quick & i.... i just don't know...

I guess after writing abit here.. I am slightly relieved...

Hope i can sleep ... and i think i already have a phobia...