Interview session.... got me thinking...

This is interesting... a new layout to the blogspot that seems  very different from the previous that i once knew...perhaps its cuz I haven't been writing for quite abit which is cuz life is super super busy... anyways, nice surprise with the change & in fact i like it... easier to use, clean & straight forward... nice...

OK... so about a week back I got a call while sitting in the office. The number was an unknown one, which i get all the time cuz I give my numbers to my clients. Alright, so i picked the le call & a hunter hunter tells me that he's got a job for me. Abit skeptical on what the employer could offer, i listened on...

So the usual stuff goes by... update resume & send it through.... employer does first round of phone interview screening & hullah....

One week later, I am parking my car at 1Mont Kiara... which is where Im suppose have the interview appt. First i meet the HR & then comes the Country Manager... it was a lengthy discussion where i spent 2 hours of my life : Listening, Asking.... back and forth. Well, if you're wondering how exactly did the interview go? I would have told u it was alright but the discussion that transpired during the interview left me with couple of thoughts :

1. Is age really that much of a concern to an employer?
2. Whats the correct way to attend an interview? As in mindset & attitude....
3. What do I really want to be doing?
4. Which path do i want to head in career advancement?

Well, during the last part of the interview session - I was quite agitated for some reason. The 'country manager' who I thought was ok, trying his part to be not overly formal did pretty ok at first. But coming to point 1, i felt belittled that age was bought into question. Shouldnt experience & track record be the first consideration & not age... because in the end the age would just be a number. Having said that a 30 year old might not be as mature as a 18 year old, just because somebody might be older... they are a wiser cuz its the maturity that counts.

At this point of time, a week has past & I am waiting to see what they have to say and what they have to offer. Either way, there is a plus & minus point about job which if they do offer me... it would be a tough call to make. There is where 3 & 4 comes into the background... Making a decision which potentially steer life's direction accordingly. Till then, fingers cross + just doing the routine "Same Shit Different Day" job.

Good nite peeps !! Just ranting & penning it down in writing...

What if...

Stage of Limbo at this current point of time... questioning every steps leading to this direction... reminiscing the path travelled coming to this path, journeyed a whole 22 years going towards the 23rd. An experience unique & known mostly to myself... which flash of happiness, glimpses of surprises...milestones of life....

Arriving at one of the many crossroads taken, 4 directions as options in general but endless possibilities leading for this crossroad. Wondering back, which all the questions which almost all if not all start with the phrase - "What ifs..."

Well, they say every man is accountable for his own decisions, rewards or consequences on shall pay for that he has done. Knowing right & wrong is judged based on what you know, knowledge & wisdom as they put it... wanting to go ahead with the action & taking the selfish course, which though sinful provides a temporary state of enjoyment.

I think to myself & I am lost... I look at my left to the right and see ppl around me, who do i compare with... who do i want to me.... is that all? Should i be contented? Wanting more is human nature... and putting a goal keeps us focus, because we usually find satisfaction in achievements, beeming with that smile & glow from within. But hey, looking back... now what? what's next?

What ifs keeps playing my mind... like a broken track going on & on & on... its the open ended conclusion of "Inception"...it really troubles the mind i'm telling u if u really think deeply about it... I've been avoiding decisions for a very long time ... Deep down knowing that delaying will not help....

I say i need guidance but guidance reckons a willing heart to be want to take action. Cant I? Will I? Should I?

Darn... even writing doesnt ease the troubling mind....

What if...

dot dot dot....

16 Oct 2011 : 12:05AM

Picture this :

You are sitting in a dark room... there is a light bulk in the hanging in the middle of the ceiling, its yellow gives a weak glow...Its a woodern floor that you are stepping on... you look to the 4 walls, its empty, maybe theres some wordings written on it? Just maybe... but you cant be bother either way...

The window is wide open.. its a clear sky today... no stars, neither is there the familiar moonlight which provides a glimer of glow... You sit down on the couch in the middle of the room, your thoughts start to drift in mid air... You cant recall what you are thinking but it doest matter either ... Your heart's feeling heavy... maybe your're sad? But it doesnt matter...

It starts with the prick or maybe its more than that... its like, a kid who finds out that both his parents have meet in an accident and he's all alone... the closest ppl he has is now gone... gone is like that... Familiar faces, scents & voices.... they come back to you in so vivid that you believed that it was real...

There is a sound... like those that they play during a funeral? Like those that you hear when its accompanied with sobs & sighs....

This time it sounds like one of those songs from Coldplay maybe ? or Snow Petrol... and yes, its hard to explain...and yes, its tears that you feel, moists your eyes and steady forms a tear drop that drips past your cheeks... you feel the saltyness on your lips... it forms a steady line... meeting in the centre of the chin... I wish you were here to wipe it dry?

The music continues.... I think i recognized this song....

There's the instrument playing at the background...He's singing... He's saying something about being happy?

Most of what i remember, makes me sure... i should have stopped you from walking through the door...

One of the song froms - Snow Patrol - "Eyes Open"
- ColdPlay - "Yellow"

1st Aug 2011

Back to re-bloging just tonight as I'm currently in the right mood i guess?
More like thinking quite abit and abit confused... aint sure what im really thinking exactly...

Mainly decision i guess? Havent been a big fan of it... and basically I suck at it too, even in simply decisions like what to eat, when to do and a whole bunch of other stuff. It sometimes depresses me as i know its really a flaw that probably will be stuck with me for a quite a while (its character) after all...

Sometimes make a decision is hard because u tend to be consider for both party, thinking of the consequence, pro & cons of each decision etc... even putting oneself into the other person's shoe...*confused*

Some days i just i wished i had total freedom, free from everything... probably going like bag packing or something, daring new challenges, exploring what life has to offer...Life supposed to be enjoy but why is not everyone born equal? Why does some day is lived for the sake of survival? Why are some ppl born with the golden spoon and others born with the piles of misery ?

At this point, i should be grateful, which I am but no harm in ranting i guess. What I'm stating are just facts of life...I day dream, but after hitting the pillow and awakening the next day.. its constantly same shit different day :) Living to die another day...

Im thinking of changing a new job... but....( u guys know the drill rite? Uncertainty, pay, new environment, adaptation....)
Damn it, should just buy lottery & strike first price...lol...

I guess its just another random post.... sorry folks & gd nite !

May 2011 - Some updates

Its been 2 months since last update? Kinna becoming a mini diary to life's happening these days eh? How have you all been?
*As if i have readers =p"

Been busy with work mainly these days... work is stressful, lots of things going on in the office. Some are directly related to work... more work, higher target & stuff... others would be relationships with ppl, as the dept grows bigger... new ppl join the company... personality tends to differ, conflicts arising arent new.... politics develop... its tiring...

And if you ask me, why stay... i actually dont have much of a choice frankly speaking... sometimes when one meets a crossroad in their life, its choices one have to make... alot of times it boils down to self over others, and logically if putting others before self... that leaves with no choice... so I am what I am now...

They say that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger... guess thats true with my life? Becoming somewhat complacement somehow... I need.... to adjust.... but what, i'm still figuring out... ok, so back to sales & my job... outright pushing from the 1st day of the month, 1st May 2011.... its gonna be a struggle right to the finishing line... probably till the end of 2011?! *only god knows...*

Study's easing up... probably my last sem soon...so thats kinna good news...and yes,finally after 3 yrs.. hahah... then i might wanna focus in developing other skills giving more free time...

oh...btw, i think you shouldn't care too much about how others look at u...sometimes its more important to get acceptance within urself before looking at how others view you... make sure that ur comfortable with something, and not suite others when its a opinionated viewpoint... and yes, i know it would be good if we could meet everyday.. but sometimes... hard mah...

*pls don't get angry :).. u know i sayang u right?? ...*

So when u get into ur internship, its a start of another journey..its not as bad as you think.. so if case if you need share anything or need support.. im here de wor....

...... sorry folks, as I said.. this is becoming more like my personal mini diary which i pour my thoughts unfiltered in here... :))

Sorry if you find it boring... til then, good nite ppl

...

I'm tired of this routine...

Working without pleasure... just to hit numbers... so that nobody starves...

Going to classes ... just to get attendance marks... so that I can graduate faster...

I need a break...