Just gonna do what I'm good at

Just a random thinking aloud : I'm gonna be who I am. Gotta just do what I am good at.
Confidence that slipped away - how its been a distance away ... A glimpse away I see ya drifting but I quickening my pace, and soon I'll be where am I again.

"I've gotta a feeling...that tonight's gonna be a good night..."

Good night peeps !

Re-kindling those feelings...

"Some people dream... while others wake up & work hard for it..."
Screw all those motivation books - you gotta really find what really works for you...
Too many advice messes up your head so you just gotta start procrastinating & take on the challenge head on...
Yeah - that was what worked in the past & Im gonna make it work once again... Old fashion street style, with loads of pain & bashing... and yes, I've decided I'll do it my way... Stubbornness has been one of biggest flaw & strength... being impatient has a dual quality... 2 side to a coin they say...

Headgear on, earplugs set, fighting stance on - guards on - punch, jab, cross, albow-knee combo, round house kick + K.O.

never belonged to the intellectual - why try so hard not being yourself...
- life was about realistic from the start - :)

22 Apr 2013

The clock ticks by... seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks & months...
Every passing rhythm fades into sub-consciousness, I've lost count the last I've been back, and now insomnia strikes again... oh well "hello" it greets, of course not the most welcomed guest...

Going through a really rough patch right now... trying to put up a front appearing calm & not affected but deep down its filled with grief & uncertainty... As off now, its really sustaining on  self comfort & pumping in positive stuff through my head - blocking every emotion that breaks me down....

An honest evaluation, looking deep down having moments of solidarity - shows things really arent the best... I hope I wont run out of willpower & self denial... its painful since there is so much I would have done differently but I know I couldnt ...

I hope I wont breakdown since life is getting so heavy & I dont know how I can take it...
 

Hall of Fame...

Just love The Script's new album... This year will be a year - a height in my career... breaking records like nobody has ever reached. This will probably the last year & my peak.... And it does remind me of the new song "Hall of Fame"....

Every other things has failed me, nothing going right apart from that... lets just hope it'll be better tmr... ntg but disappointment &burdens ...

 I dedicate this song to all those out there struggling to strive for your best... giving you best, coming out with a smile in the end...

 "There's never gonna be a rainbow without some rain..."

 

"Hall Of Fame"
(feat. Will.I.Am)

Yeah, You could be the greatest
You can be the best
You can be the king kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world
You could beat the war
You could talk to God, go banging on his door

You can throw your hands up
You can beat the clock
You can move a mountain
You can break rocks
You can be a master
Don't wait for luck
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself

Standing in the hall of fame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

You could go the distance
You could run the mile
You could walk straight through hell with a smile

You could be the hero
You could get the gold
Breaking all the records that thought never could be broke

Do it for your people
Do it for your pride
How you ever gonna know if you never even try?

Do it for your country
Do it for your name
Cause there's gonna be a day

When you're standing in the hall of fame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

Be a champion, Be a champion, Be a champion, Be a champion

On the walls of the hall of fame

Be students
Be teachers
Be politicians
Be preachers

Be believers
Be leaders
Be astronauts
Be champions
Be truth seekers

Be students
Be teachers
Be politicians
Be preachers

Be believers
Be leaders
Be astronauts
Be champions

Standing in the hall of fame
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Cause you burn with the brightest flame
(Yeah, yeah,yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

(You can be a champion)
You could be the greatest
(You can be a champion)
You can be the best
(You can be a champion)
You can be the king kong banging on your chest

(You can be a champion)
You could beat the world
(You can be a champion)
You could beat the war
(You can be a champion)
You could talk to God, go banging on his door

(You can be a champion)
You can throw your hands up
(You can be a champion)
You can beat the clock
(You can be a champion)
You can move a mountain
(You can be a champion)
You can break rocks

(You can be a champion)
You can be a master
(You can be a champion)
Don't wait for luck
(You can be a champion)
Dedicate yourself and you can find yourself
(You can be a champion)

Standing in the hall of fame

Heavy Shoulders

So many things has happened this year...till this point of writing nothing but memories left behind, past un-rewindable... Going through the motions... feels like I'm quite lost? Getting tired of the burdens on the shoulders though... how long can i last? I dont need to have a silver / golden spoon in my mouth, i just want to be able to live my life... not having to worry for everyone... Putting that maturity that I wasnt even ready to take on... Some days I wish I was alot more selfish, to just let go off everything... but I could be able to live my self in that guilt... Conscience still in place after all... All these mess is giving a headache too...arghhh

光良 [太天真] (English Translations : Lryics Included)

Too naive...  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ammw9z_-0Vk&feature=g-vrec

I knew this was too truth but I thought exceptions happens...

今天的天空怎么会特别的蓝
Why does today's sky seem exceptionally blue?
我怎会有点感伤
Why do i feel slightly sad?
一个人悠悠荡荡
Swaying leisurely alone...
 
没有特别方向
without any direction
一幕一幕的过往
remember thoughts after thoughts / scenes after scenes
还舍不得遗忘
which seems unforgettable
不知觉又走到这个熟悉海岸
unknowingly reaching to a seeming familiar beach...
 
假装你在我身旁
dreaming that you were beside me...
海浪亲吻着沙滩
waves washing against the banks of the beach,
为我制造浪漫
creating the one imaginary romance 
你曾说一起去流浪
that you once mentioned that we would 'drift away' together
 
流浪到海角另一端
drifting to the other corner of the sea
连天空都在笑着我太天真
even the sky laughs at me being too naive
不是都说好我们不会改变
didnt we agree that nothing will change?
你曾写下的诺言
the promise that you once wrote?
  
我深深刻在心里面
deeply embedded within my heart
等待你会出现
waiting for you arrival 
海枯石烂那天
till the day when the seas run dry & stones breaks...
连世界都在看着我太天真
the whole earth thinks that im too native too
 
不是说好要爱到最后一天
didnt we speak about love till the end?
收起所有的思念
putting away all those thoughts
那是我唯一的眷恋
which were my only attachments
让爱随风漂流 飘向海的另一边
letting my love being blow away by the wind to the other end of the sea
 
习惯了又走到这个熟悉海岸
habitually walking by that familiar beach 
你已不在我身旁
you;re no longer by my side
海浪亲吻着沙滩
waves washing against the banks of the beach, 
我不觉得浪漫
unknowingly i imagined romance
 
不想再一个人流浪
not wanting to drift around alone
流浪着失去了方向
drifting along without direction
连天空都在笑着我太天真
even the sky laughs at me being too naive 
不是都说好我们不会改变
didnt we speak about love till the end? 
 
你曾写下的诺言
the promise that you once wrote?
我深深刻在心里面
deeply embedded within my heart
等待你会出现
waiting for you arrival 
海枯石烂那天
till the day when the seas run dry & stones breaks...

连世界都在看着我太天真
the whole earth thinks that im too native too  
是谁说过我们都不要改变
who was it that spoke about not changing?
你曾写下的诺言
the promise that you once wrote?
我深深刻在心里面
deeply embedded within my heart 

等待你会出现
waiting for you arrival 
海枯石烂那天
till the day when the seas run dry & stones breaks...  
连世界都在看着我太天真
the whole earth thinks that im too native too   
不是说好要爱到最后一天
didnt we speak about love till the end? 
 收起所有的思念

putting away all those thoughts
那是我唯一的眷恋
which were my only attachments
让爱随风漂流 飘向海的另一边
letting my love being blow away by the wind to the other end of the sea

收起所有的思念
putting away all those thoughts
那是我唯一的眷恋
which were my only attachments
让爱随风漂流 飘向海的另一边
letting my love being blow away by the wind to the other end of the sea 

相信你会再出现
believing that you would appear once again...

Second chance

Everyone deserves a second chance, they say...

Probably so... there is where forgiveness comes in?
Keeping the negativity aside, look to the future... nobody can change the past...
Focus on the sincerity & positive side, it'll make forgiving alot easier...

And you never know... probably even forgetting? (Probably not... haha...)

However, not all endings are endings we expect... never know mayb e there is a double climax? just went you thought ... think again... Anyways, if all fails.... then I guess it'll be entirely to the individual...
How long can a leaky heart last? No matter how spacious & un-calculative a person might seem or be...I guess there is a limit... and ultimately the breaking point...

The question is : Is that the BREAKING POINT? 

Good nitez folks !!

Hope to cope with a betrayal

Everyday, we see shit happens & couples get together. Straight forwardly, there could be only 2 kind of results... happy ever after or just break up / divorced.

Why do you think the music industry is doing so well in getting their albums selling so well.. Thats cause emotional human beings... go through this cycle over & over again.... and rarely learn :)

Here is an article that i read, found it really helpful & practical...

1. 1
   Let yourself become emotional, and then let it go. Cry if that is all you want to do. Get the feeling of hurt and anger out of your system. It is important for you to release negative emotions if you want to cope with betrayal. But don't prolong the agony and allow the mourning period to consume you. Get it out of your system and move on.
2. 2
   Set some goals for yourself. Write down all the things that you want to do in your life and accomplish, and start working on making them happen. If there is a career path you wish to pursue, start working toward that. By doing this, you are refocusing your mind on to something that is more important than the betrayal. Surviving a betrayal means setting your mind on building a better life and future.
3. 3
   Find ways to enhance your personal development. Begin an exercise regimen that will not only keep you healthy and fit, it will provide you with an outlet to dispel any negative feelings that surface periodically. Take up a new hobby like ballroom dancing, hunting or hiking. The idea is to find yourself again, build confidence and recognize that a bad situation like a betrayal can lead to good.
4. 4
   Cope with betrayal by finding motivation in inspirational and empowerment books and CDs. Also, spend your time with positive people. If you surround yourself with motivational outlets, then you will be more excited about life; you will be more inclined to put your negative experience behind you and be optimistic about the future.
5. 5
   Understand that the process of dealing with a betrayal is not an easy one to undertake. There will be moments in which you will relapse, but that does not mean that you are failing. Whenever you do feel distressed, turn to a motivational resource, specifically a friend who likes to listen first and then pull you out of your rut. Don't let these moments of weakness consume you, however. They can become emotionally draining for both you and the friend who is there to support you.

Credits : http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Betrayal

To those out there who needs this ... let this be something to gleen & stay strong...

Though words will never be able to describe the terrible feeling entirely 

I'm Dan.

Tragedies : Its a brutal awakening

Imagine yourself in deep slumber, engaged in dreamz that seemed so real... only to be jolted up by a startling loud noise of the thunder...

Awakening from half consciousness to realize how stormy the condition was... 

Yesterday night... was a really bad nightmare... and i wished i could turn back the clock & redo things... 

What happened ytd made me realize that life is really a gift and waking up each day still breathing is something I personally take for granted....

That is until what happened ytd night... I realized how elusive things can be... Its literately like a magic show doing the disappearing act... the only thing is this is for real...and hey, yes i did pinch myself after the 'tragedy'... hoping & yes dreaming.... dreaming for too long...

Im very grateful to GOD for keeping me alive for another day... I take it as a lesson... yes, I need to wake up before its too late... Whats the point of not realizing that it just takes a fraction of a second to undo whatever that was build through the whole lifetime...

A vow has been made & I do intend to keep it... I must...
Time to change perspective... Time to wake up & ride the storm...
Time to appreciate ...
It might be late but never too late to try?

Good night folks... Hope I'll be sleep through the night without having the re-occurring nightmare...

Fuck off

Fuck off... im stronger than that...
Solitude arent that big deal....
Emotions feeds life's flame...
Amongst those on top... anger, jealousy, hatred, passion, love :)
Im  more of the anger & hatred person... so dont mess around ...
Cuz if you're on your the list.. its Kamikaze...

Realizations

Realization sometimes just comes at the most interesting places... so when i was doing my business... I can to a realization & concluded that a best way moving on is to just face the problem.

Midst my unhappiness & dissatisfaction about my job & other things...while trying to find the faster & yet wanting the perfect solution, I realized - perhaps I could change things around. I had the power to do certain things, I had the power to not react in a negative manner, I had the choice to slowly learn to realize that life still goes on without us noticing... So, why not make do of what I have currently & push my limits.

Stepping out of my comfort zone is one of the first few steps of the cheese move. Acceptance will be a process that have to come along. This I think is tough especially when its a second nature to a fighter. Some battles are not worth the fight, and bearing up with the circumstances is often harder but likely to be worth while.

I was going through an article on whether changing a job is so much of a calculated risk, and the article made a point that did hit me : Its which job that gives you the best satisfaction and happiness. Career advancement & extra $$ does not equals increase in happiness. Happiness is elusive. This I can testify, which the striving after wind is un-ending.

With much anticipation I am looking forward to a slow but gradual changes & hopefully more happiness in life ? :)

So many things that I want to do but yet so little resources...
Not enough time, not enough capital, not enough energy, cant be at multiple places in a single opportunity...

How good if I had either one which was unlimited...
How good if I had the guts to just dump all, step out of my comfort zone & pursue what I think will make it big...

Anxieties of life ... oh well, good nite folks

Interview session.... got me thinking...

This is interesting... a new layout to the blogspot that seems  very different from the previous that i once knew...perhaps its cuz I haven't been writing for quite abit which is cuz life is super super busy... anyways, nice surprise with the change & in fact i like it... easier to use, clean & straight forward... nice...

OK... so about a week back I got a call while sitting in the office. The number was an unknown one, which i get all the time cuz I give my numbers to my clients. Alright, so i picked the le call & a hunter hunter tells me that he's got a job for me. Abit skeptical on what the employer could offer, i listened on...

So the usual stuff goes by... update resume & send it through.... employer does first round of phone interview screening & hullah....

One week later, I am parking my car at 1Mont Kiara... which is where Im suppose have the interview appt. First i meet the HR & then comes the Country Manager... it was a lengthy discussion where i spent 2 hours of my life : Listening, Asking.... back and forth. Well, if you're wondering how exactly did the interview go? I would have told u it was alright but the discussion that transpired during the interview left me with couple of thoughts :

1. Is age really that much of a concern to an employer?
2. Whats the correct way to attend an interview? As in mindset & attitude....
3. What do I really want to be doing?
4. Which path do i want to head in career advancement?

Well, during the last part of the interview session - I was quite agitated for some reason. The 'country manager' who I thought was ok, trying his part to be not overly formal did pretty ok at first. But coming to point 1, i felt belittled that age was bought into question. Shouldnt experience & track record be the first consideration & not age... because in the end the age would just be a number. Having said that a 30 year old might not be as mature as a 18 year old, just because somebody might be older... they are a wiser cuz its the maturity that counts.

At this point of time, a week has past & I am waiting to see what they have to say and what they have to offer. Either way, there is a plus & minus point about job which if they do offer me... it would be a tough call to make. There is where 3 & 4 comes into the background... Making a decision which potentially steer life's direction accordingly. Till then, fingers cross + just doing the routine "Same Shit Different Day" job.

Good nite peeps !! Just ranting & penning it down in writing...

What if...

Stage of Limbo at this current point of time... questioning every steps leading to this direction... reminiscing the path travelled coming to this path, journeyed a whole 22 years going towards the 23rd. An experience unique & known mostly to myself... which flash of happiness, glimpses of surprises...milestones of life....

Arriving at one of the many crossroads taken, 4 directions as options in general but endless possibilities leading for this crossroad. Wondering back, which all the questions which almost all if not all start with the phrase - "What ifs..."

Well, they say every man is accountable for his own decisions, rewards or consequences on shall pay for that he has done. Knowing right & wrong is judged based on what you know, knowledge & wisdom as they put it... wanting to go ahead with the action & taking the selfish course, which though sinful provides a temporary state of enjoyment.

I think to myself & I am lost... I look at my left to the right and see ppl around me, who do i compare with... who do i want to me.... is that all? Should i be contented? Wanting more is human nature... and putting a goal keeps us focus, because we usually find satisfaction in achievements, beeming with that smile & glow from within. But hey, looking back... now what? what's next?

What ifs keeps playing my mind... like a broken track going on & on & on... its the open ended conclusion of "Inception"...it really troubles the mind i'm telling u if u really think deeply about it... I've been avoiding decisions for a very long time ... Deep down knowing that delaying will not help....

I say i need guidance but guidance reckons a willing heart to be want to take action. Cant I? Will I? Should I?

Darn... even writing doesnt ease the troubling mind....

What if...

dot dot dot....

16 Oct 2011 : 12:05AM

Picture this :

You are sitting in a dark room... there is a light bulk in the hanging in the middle of the ceiling, its yellow gives a weak glow...Its a woodern floor that you are stepping on... you look to the 4 walls, its empty, maybe theres some wordings written on it? Just maybe... but you cant be bother either way...

The window is wide open.. its a clear sky today... no stars, neither is there the familiar moonlight which provides a glimer of glow... You sit down on the couch in the middle of the room, your thoughts start to drift in mid air... You cant recall what you are thinking but it doest matter either ... Your heart's feeling heavy... maybe your're sad? But it doesnt matter...

It starts with the prick or maybe its more than that... its like, a kid who finds out that both his parents have meet in an accident and he's all alone... the closest ppl he has is now gone... gone is like that... Familiar faces, scents & voices.... they come back to you in so vivid that you believed that it was real...

There is a sound... like those that they play during a funeral? Like those that you hear when its accompanied with sobs & sighs....

This time it sounds like one of those songs from Coldplay maybe ? or Snow Petrol... and yes, its hard to explain...and yes, its tears that you feel, moists your eyes and steady forms a tear drop that drips past your cheeks... you feel the saltyness on your lips... it forms a steady line... meeting in the centre of the chin... I wish you were here to wipe it dry?

The music continues.... I think i recognized this song....

There's the instrument playing at the background...He's singing... He's saying something about being happy?

Most of what i remember, makes me sure... i should have stopped you from walking through the door...

One of the song froms - Snow Patrol - "Eyes Open"
- ColdPlay - "Yellow"

1st Aug 2011

Back to re-bloging just tonight as I'm currently in the right mood i guess?
More like thinking quite abit and abit confused... aint sure what im really thinking exactly...

Mainly decision i guess? Havent been a big fan of it... and basically I suck at it too, even in simply decisions like what to eat, when to do and a whole bunch of other stuff. It sometimes depresses me as i know its really a flaw that probably will be stuck with me for a quite a while (its character) after all...

Sometimes make a decision is hard because u tend to be consider for both party, thinking of the consequence, pro & cons of each decision etc... even putting oneself into the other person's shoe...*confused*

Some days i just i wished i had total freedom, free from everything... probably going like bag packing or something, daring new challenges, exploring what life has to offer...Life supposed to be enjoy but why is not everyone born equal? Why does some day is lived for the sake of survival? Why are some ppl born with the golden spoon and others born with the piles of misery ?

At this point, i should be grateful, which I am but no harm in ranting i guess. What I'm stating are just facts of life...I day dream, but after hitting the pillow and awakening the next day.. its constantly same shit different day :) Living to die another day...

Im thinking of changing a new job... but....( u guys know the drill rite? Uncertainty, pay, new environment, adaptation....)
Damn it, should just buy lottery & strike first price...lol...

I guess its just another random post.... sorry folks & gd nite !

May 2011 - Some updates

Its been 2 months since last update? Kinna becoming a mini diary to life's happening these days eh? How have you all been?
*As if i have readers =p"

Been busy with work mainly these days... work is stressful, lots of things going on in the office. Some are directly related to work... more work, higher target & stuff... others would be relationships with ppl, as the dept grows bigger... new ppl join the company... personality tends to differ, conflicts arising arent new.... politics develop... its tiring...

And if you ask me, why stay... i actually dont have much of a choice frankly speaking... sometimes when one meets a crossroad in their life, its choices one have to make... alot of times it boils down to self over others, and logically if putting others before self... that leaves with no choice... so I am what I am now...

They say that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger... guess thats true with my life? Becoming somewhat complacement somehow... I need.... to adjust.... but what, i'm still figuring out... ok, so back to sales & my job... outright pushing from the 1st day of the month, 1st May 2011.... its gonna be a struggle right to the finishing line... probably till the end of 2011?! *only god knows...*

Study's easing up... probably my last sem soon...so thats kinna good news...and yes,finally after 3 yrs.. hahah... then i might wanna focus in developing other skills giving more free time...

oh...btw, i think you shouldn't care too much about how others look at u...sometimes its more important to get acceptance within urself before looking at how others view you... make sure that ur comfortable with something, and not suite others when its a opinionated viewpoint... and yes, i know it would be good if we could meet everyday.. but sometimes... hard mah...

*pls don't get angry :).. u know i sayang u right?? ...*

So when u get into ur internship, its a start of another journey..its not as bad as you think.. so if case if you need share anything or need support.. im here de wor....

...... sorry folks, as I said.. this is becoming more like my personal mini diary which i pour my thoughts unfiltered in here... :))

Sorry if you find it boring... til then, good nite ppl

...

I'm tired of this routine...

Working without pleasure... just to hit numbers... so that nobody starves...

Going to classes ... just to get attendance marks... so that I can graduate faster...

I need a break...

Its a new year

Its so fast & already first month past of the year 2011.

Resolutions, hopes, goals & dreams all coming in place for some people. Daring to dream big & start fresh perhaps for others...for me, nothing much for resolution, wasnt really a big fan of them cuz unless u have really strong willpower & determination, very likely half of those things on the resolution list end up staying thr for the next couple of years :)

A direction set is what i have in place. Its working towards stability in all aspects, if thats not too much to ask for... career, wealth, relationships & health. (Pretty common). Had a hunch that this was gonna be a tough year, was correct about that :) Last month, January was an interesting month... or rather exciting 1.

Thankful that could hit my sales target which was skyhigh. And that goes without saying that I grateful for the support given by my dear :):). Last month was our 2 years... time flies doesnt it and wasnt really that spectacular celebration or what so ever. For those who know me, romantic will never be a word to describe me, anyhow, doesnt mean i cant try... haha...

So well, after consulting half of the people i know on what to get... finally just decided to go window shopping. Saw this cup that had a picture of a cute girl with short hair that fits exactly ... so i got that plus some Pachi chocs to fill it up :) Hope that she likes it... and sorry again, i never put pictures on my blog... which makes reading kind of dull.. sorry ya..

Was good to be together as a couple and many more to come... CNY is also around the corner... lots of ppl busy and all but i think CNY is alot more quieter than what it used to be... anyhow, lets reserve thoughts thoughts till another day cuz writing it here will be another long story to tell ...

OK folks.. thats all for now & c ya :)